This is part 2 in my “Caring for Female Colleagues in Seminary” series. You can read part 1, ‘Who Takes Care of Mama?’ here.

I will never forget the first time I walked into one of the bathrooms on campus. I remember because I almost fell into the toilet – someone had left the toilet seat up. I remember laughing about it to myself. The reminders that I was in a male-dominated space were everywhere.

Most of the time, this was inconsequential and sometimes even funny. But occasionally, the stakes were higher. Most women are familiar with the awful recognition that their period is starting unexpectedly. In spaces where women are the minority, finding a tampon or pad can be challenging. Sometimes, women’s bathrooms will have spares available for use, especially at public universities. At the very least, most stores provide a machine on the wall to purchase a cheap one. Not ideal but it will get you through. But my seminary campus had no such luxuries. Either you had your own supply, or you didn’t. It was a subtle hint that your body and biological realities weren’t welcome in that space.

The worst is when a woman’s period begins on exam day, or when a major paper is due. As every student knows, these things are already hard enough. The pain, hormone drop, and exhaustion further compound the average student experience.

Guys, do you remember getting cramps in your legs on the football field in high school? Do you remember rolling around on the sidelines in agony waiting for the pickle juice to kick in? Now imagine that is accompanied by massive blood loss, and a hormone drop that plunges you into a weepy, depressive state. And oh yes - this is all happening while you are taking a high school calculus exam.

This doesn’t mean women don’t belong in the classroom, any more than men who get leg cramps don’t belong on the football field. It simply means that there are internal physiological challenges women are facing on top of the academic load. Challenges most women never reveal as it is actively happening. We “suck it up buttercup,” and move on. When a woman performs on par with a male colleague despite the additional challenges, it’s cause for amazement. When a woman doesn’t perform as well under these circumstances, it’s cause for understanding, not condescension.

I can already hear the manosphere in my head arguing this is why women don’t belong in higher education. But women are currently dominating higher education, these challenges (and more) not-withstanding. We aren’t asking for accommodation. Simply understanding, compassion, and a little social awareness. (Oh wait…that’s called empathy. I forgot. That’s now a sin.)

I haven’t even touched menopause or pregnancy in this article. I’m not yet qualified to write on either topic (if anyone wants to write these articles let me know!) But I’ve watched pregnant colleagues complete courses and final exams in absolute awe. Higher education is hard enough without being constantly nauseous and nurturing another human within your body!

Why should we care about women’s menstrual cycles? Because God does. He created them. Jesus showed nothing but tenderness towards women. Three of the Gospel writers went out of their way to include the story of a woman who met God in the flesh precisely because her menstrual cycle was malfunctioning.

I will close with a Dorothy Sayers quote.

Perhaps it is no wonder that the women were first at the Cradle and last at the Cross. They had never known a man like this Man - there never has been such another. A prophet and teacher who never nagged at them, never flattered or coaxed or patronised; who never made arch jokes about them, never treated them either as “The women, God help us!” or “The ladies, God bless them!”; who rebuked without querulousness and praised without condescension; who took their questions and arguments seriously; who never mapped out their sphere for them, never urged them to be feminine or jeered at them for being female; who had no axe to grind and no uneasy male dignity to defend; who took them as he found them and was completely unself-conscious. There is no act, no sermon, no parable in the whole Gospel that borrows its pungency from female perversity; nobody could possibly guess from the words and deeds of Jesus that there was anything “funny” about woman’s nature.1

Reflection Questions for Support Team Members

• Have you ever considered the way space extends, or fails to extend, welcome?

• Have you ever seen a female student cry in class for “no reason.” What’s your initial reaction? Have you ever considered that it is not a sign of weakness, but a physiological response to a hormonal shift?

• If you were told your leg cramps were a God-given, innate biological quality that disqualified you from the football field, what would you think about yourself as a man? As an athlete?

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This kicks off a series about caring well for female colleagues in seminary. My target audience is men who want to support female colleagues but are looking for perspective and ways to do so. Each article is followed by reflection questions.

One evening, the wife of a classmate brought him dinner on campus one evening. As I stood there watching it, I thought to myself, “I wish I had a seminary wife.” I say this tongue in cheek as a straight woman, but I suspect many women know the feeling. The married men on campus had it made. While they sat in the library pouring over Greek texts, their wives were earning paychecks, folding laundry, packing lunches, and preparing dinners. Their labor was subsiding the seminary experience and potential of the men.

Single students, male and female, often find themselves as breadwinner, housekeeper, and student. There is no division of labor. This is exhausting - mentally and physically. From my perspective, married women in seminary often carry the greatest load. They were often managing their own studies, running households, managing children, and often running unpaid church ministries as well. The mental load alone is exhausting, not to mention the finite number of hours in a day. This raises a question – who takes care of Mama?

I once heard a female student express concern about how a particular exam had gone. Our male classmate’s response was, “Don’t worry – the professor won’t grade as hard since you are a woman.” This male student knew enough not to say that kind of thing to someone of a different race or ethicity (hopefully anyway) but he had no idea that his sexism was as unthinkable as racism. There is a tendency to think of female students as dumber and less important than the male students. Besides the inherent misogyny in that statement, there is an important reality to name. For many female students the issue is not brains. It’s capacity.

I worked full-time through seminary. During Hebrew I, I had three hours a week to study. I literally memorized laminated verb charts in the shower to make it happen. I performed well in that class - but not as well as I could have with more capacity. This is a challenge all students, male or female, who work full-time face. But it highlights the capacity issue many women face all the same.

During one particularly taxing exam season, I came home to a freezer stocked with homemade frozen meals. A fellow single female friend saw my limited capacity and sought to stand in the gap. I’ll never forget it. The whole body of Christ was at work that day; freeing me to pour my energy into my studies. How can you help take care of Mama?

Reflection Questions for Support Team Members

• How many “hats” is the female seminarian in my life wearing (that I’m aware of)?

• Are there any ways I can provide tangible support in this season that can free her up to study? (Ex. Anonymous grocery or restaurant gift card, stocking their freezer with quick and nutritious meals during tough seasons, etc.)

• Am I judging my female colleagues’ seminary performance differently than my male colleagues? Why?

Curious about next week’s article? Here is the title to peak your interest - “Bathrooms, Pregnancy, & Test Taking.” Dropping next Monday!

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No - it wasn’t the kids. It wasn’t even other volunteers.

I left youth group in a rage because Jeffrey Epstein is still hurting teenage girls, even from the grave.

As we wrapped up small-group last night, I joined a cluster of high school girls who were still chatting. They had questions, and didn’t know who to ask. What were their questions? How to deal with the Epstein files. I could see the hurt, confusion, and perhaps even trauma in their eyes.

The moment didn’t allow for long, thought-out answers. All I could offer in that moment was, “I’m so sorry. Being a girl is really hard right now,” and “It’s okay to turn it off.”

The rage boiled in my veins because I know what messages the high school girls in my church are hearing implicitly.

• No one cares when women cry out for justice;

• If you dare to cry out anyway, you will be punished for it. Your life will be made a living hell;

• No matter how shocking or heinous the assault, men consistently escape accountability;

• The man responsible for orchestrating these crimes knew that he could use Christians as instruments of staving off accountability for another decade;

That is an impossible load for any human to carry, much less teenage girls. How on earth are we supposed to pastor our daughters, physical or spiritual, through this crisis? Frankly, I feel at a loss.

My eyes overflow unceasingly,
without end,
until the Lord looks down
from heaven and sees.
My eyes bring me grief
because of the fate of all the women
in my city.

Lam. 3:49-51

Imprecatory Prayers

There is debate among Christians on how the imprecatory prayers of the Old Testament should be interpreted and applied under the New Covenant. In fact, there is debate on this issue within our youth group volunteer staff.

Personally, I believe the imprecatory prayers still have a role to play in the life of the church. Certainly, these prayers can become instruments of abuse (Aimee Byrd’s story comes to mind) and caution is warranted. But prayers of destruction and cursing acknowledge reality - that wickedness in the world does in fact exist. There are people who enjoy crushing the innocent and the vulnerable for the sport of it. Psalms such as Psalm 69: 27-28 seem appropriate in times such as this:

“Charge them with crime on top of crime;
do not let them share in your righteousness.
Let them be erased from the book of life
and not be recorded with the righteous.”

Including the imprecatory Psalms in our readings and teaching schedule are vital for the parishioners who are begging for language in this current crisis. How do you talk to God in the face of such evil? It’s our job to help train them.

Female Worth

Another area of teaching that we desperately need to hit hard is the inherent, equal, value of women in the eyes of God. And teaching about it is not enough - it must be executed in the life of the church.

There is some data that suggests that female clergy are essential to positive life outcomes in the lives of young women. One study found that “When women had female clergy at least “some of the time” growing up in their congregations, their reported levels of self-esteem are consistently just as high as men’s.”1

I will never forget sobbing on my couch as I released my hold on my complementarian beliefs. The Lord was changing my mind and heart on this topic and I had fought him every step of the way. But as I opened my hands to the mutualist understanding the Holy Spirit was giving, I found for the first time ever that suddenly I no longer felt like a second-class citizen in the kingdom of God. I was no longer the back-up quarterback God allowed to sit on the bench because he had to. Instead, I was beginning to see myself as someone God put on the team because God delighted to. This changed the way I saw myself on a deeper level. Suddenly, I realized God liked me. And if God likes you, the rest of the world can get on board or not, but God’s opinion is really the only one that matters.

Female Sexuality

Female worth is not enough. We must re-examine the Biblical vision for female sexuality. Have you ever noticed how female sexuality is frequently used by God to save and redeem humankind?

Tamar2 uses her sexuality to preserve the line of Christ.

Jael uses her sexuality to kill an enemy of her people (and God!).

Ruth does likewise.

The woman in Song of Soloman delights in her sexuality, is not ashamed of it, and speaks of it unabashedly.

Esther uses her sexual prowess to save her people from genocide.

While the Bible does not use words such as “consent,” every passage that demonstrates a lack of female consent (Dinah, the concubine in Judges 19, Bathsheba, Tamar,3 etc.) is portrayed in a negative light within the story. In these cases, the weight of guilt rests on the shoulders of those who take alone. Our daughters need to hear that if someone steals their sexuality, the only party bearing guilt is the thief. Scripture is actually quite explicit about this, as I’ve written previously here.

Our daughters need to know that their consent (or lack thereof) matters to God. They are not objects to be used up and tossed aside for men’s pleasure. No - their sexuality is a gift. It is powerful. It is theirs to give or withhold as they please. And when their sexuality is taken without consent - God sees, cares, and condemns. Oh that we would do the same!!

Psalm 13:1-2

How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?
How long must I take counsel in my soul and have sorrow in my heart all the day?
How long shall my enemy be exalted over me?

Conclusion

How do we pastor our daughters through the Epstien files?

• Weep with those who weep;

• Teach them to pray the imprecatory psalms;

• Teach and model female worth in the life of the church;

• Teach and model the power and independence of female sexuality as expressed in Scripture;

• Remind them (and ourselves) that justice WILL roll down.

Are you struggling to walk your people through the Epstein files? What has been helpful for your congregation?

Leave a comment

I now present, 2025 in Quotes.

January

“Immaturity cannot tolerate ambiguity. It’s either black or white. And if you make your system your god, you’ll be telling lies to remain consistent. “ - Ellen Vaughn1

February

“Somethings are ill to hear when the world is in shadow.” - J.R.R. Tolkein2

March

“Sometimes, the cost of asking questions is higher than anticipated. The system doesn’t like to be questioned. So, if we speak up and question the way things are, we ought to be prepared to pay a price. - Joel D. Aguilar Ramirez3

April

“They had come to the desolation that lay before Mordor; the lasting monument to the dark labour of its slaves that should endure when all their purposes were made void; a land defiled, diseased, beyond all healing - unless the Great Sea should enter in and wash it with oblivion. “I feel sick,” said Sam.” - J.R.R. Tolkien

May

“Face your dragons.” - Fictional Heroine Maise Dobbs

June

“Our job is to love others without stopping to inquire whether or not they are worthy.” - T.M4

July

“I believe in you, dear women in ministry. I believe in the fire in your bones, in the Spirit that keeps nudging you forward even when the doors are slow to open. I believe in the sacred imagination you bring to preaching, to shepherding, to leading. Your presence is not a problem to solve. Your voice is not an exception to manage. You are a gift. You are called. You are seen.” - Tara Beth Leach5

August

“Across the country…the victim must demonstrate her unwillingness to engage in sexual conduct in order to qualify as a victim of assault. The default is that she consents, simply by being.” - Deborah Tuerkheimer6

September

“They knew that fear breeds repression; that repression breeds hate….Fear of serious injury cannot alone justify suppression of free speech and assembly. Men feared witches and burnt women. It is the function of speech to free men from the bondage of irrational fears.” - Justice Brandeis7

October

“If you want to know the law and nothing else, you must look at it as a bad man, who cares only for the material consequences which such knowledge enables him to predict, not as a good one, who finds his reasons for conduct, whether inside the law or outside of it, in the vaguer sanctions of conscience.” - Oliver Wendell Holmes

November

“Being a lawyer is about creating power for those who have none.” - Anonymous Law Professor

December

“Every time we tell a story or write a poem or compose an essay, we give chaos a way of reintegrating into order; we reverse entropy; pattern and meaning begin to overcome randomness and decay. We find satisfaction in juxtaposition and linkage and succession and resolution as things split and differentiate and flow together again.” - Luci Shaw

Do you record the quotes that jump out to you? What themes emerge in your 2025 list?

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3

A Human Catechism

The Cost of Asking Questions

The post today is connected to the previous stories on this substack, which show how the system can crush us in many different ways. Today’s story is a little longer than usual, but read it and let me know your thoughts…

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a year ago · 9 likes · 5 comments · Joel D. Aguilar Ramírez

5

Tara Beth Leach

What I Wish Christians Knew About Being a Woman in Ministry

I remember the first time I preached in the sanctuary at the church I now pastor. It is a sanctuary built by generations of faithful men and women. My hands trembled, not because I was unsure of my calling, but because I could feel the weight of it. The pulpit was worn with decades of sermons, but that morning, I stood there not only with a Bible in my …

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a year ago · 147 likes · 15 comments · Tara Beth Leach

Classic

Please don’t judge, but this year I completed my first journey through Middle Earth. I literally cried when I finished the series - never again will I make the journey for the first time. Tolkien’s wisdom is profound, but never comes across as preachy. If you haven’t been brave enough to make the journey yet…maybe 2026 is your year.

History

I’m not sure how I discovered this book, but it left a profound impact. This book details the true story of Ellen & William Craft’s brilliant, daring, and dangerous escape from slavery. Though I have lived in the South my entire life, I was completely ignorant of the way every bit of southern infrastructure was (is?) built around slavery. In some ways, this book was devestating to read. In others, it was inspiring and enlightening. If you can get your hands on the audio book, the narrators are excellent.

Bible Commentary

Okay…this is not exactly a Bible Commentary. But honestly, it’s the best unpacking of Paul’s Letter to The Galatians that I have read, hands down. I walked away from this book finally understanding Galatians. Dorothy Sayers is one of favorite fiction authors, and I enjoyed this book about her philosophical view of the world.

Theology

This was required reading for my summer internship and I think every pastor should be required to read this book in seminary. It’s short, accessible, and packs a theological punch. How should Christians think about child abuse? This book looks directly to the life and words of Jesus.

Fiction

I know that I am on a depressing topic role, but this book is the book I’ve recommended the most this year. Do you ever wonder why churches cover up child sexual abuse? This book unpacks the money, power, deception, and social capital all wrapped up in church politics. The best and worst of humanity is portrayed in all it’s complexity.

Memior

I read a lot of memiors this year, but this one might have been my favorite. This was a beach read I picked up at an ocean side used bookshop. I laughed. I cried (mainly because it caused me to miss my grandparents).

Honorable Mentions:

• The Well Trained Wife by Tia Levings

• Rift by Cait West

Legal

Ever wonder where America’s free speech doctrine came from? I discovered this book in a law school casebook footnote and really enjoyed learning more about Justice Holmes. I will note, I didn’t actually finish this one because my overdue library fines started racking up….but once I pay what I owe I hope to check out again and finish in 2026. You should read it with me…

Biography

I’m not going to lie, I had put off reading this one. I read Elisabeth Elliot’s writings way to young, and devoured it hook, line, and sinker as a teenager. There were consequences to this, ones that I’m still reckoning with. But my experience with this book was redemptive. I wrote about this more in detail back in January. If you’ve had a similar journey with Elisabeth Elliot, I highly recommend sitting with her biography. You might find wisdom for the moment from an unexpected source.

Ministry

This book gave me the courage to stop caring what people think about women in ministry, and to simply do what I think the Lord has called me to do. At the end of the day, He is the only one I have to answer to for how I live my life. I appreciated how Tara Beth acknowledges the challenges that women in ministry face without wallowing in it.

Most Boring Book of the Year

I think the title speaks for itself…this book was rivaled in this category only by the Federal Rules of Evidence. If you know….you know.

What were your favorite books of 2025? Why? Any books you are excited to read over Christmas?

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Advocacy in church settings is a relatively new frontier. In many ways it is still in it’s wild-wild-west phase. I have a few reflections on this, and hope to develop a few upcoming articles on it.

There is so much nuance I wish I could provide in this article - but the danger of nuance is loosing the point. For now I will leave it at this - not every church court proceeding is corrupt or tainted. The men and women running church court proceedings are also often volunteers. This is not to disregard or disrespect the things that are going well.

Today, I would like the pull back the curtain on the labor that advocates provide for free (or at minimal cost) in systems that are either broken (unable to do the right thing) or evil (able but unwilling). This is not meant to be a “woe-is-me” article, but rather to challenge unfair narratives against advocates. It’s an opportunity to pause and reflect.

For the past several months, I’ve been volunteering as a victim advocate. Because of the demands of law school, one case is all I can handle for now but boy, has it been an education on so many fronts. I’m learning about my own weaknesses and the utter brokeness of our systems. On one particularly sad day, the lack of resources for women fleeing abusive relationships was on full display.1 The groups who desperately want to help women in crisis do not have the funds to help, often because they are run by survivors themselves.

As I reflected on the lack of resources, I realized just how much advocacy groups rely on volunteers for everything. The fact that advocacy exists in faith-based settings at all is due to the band of women and men who refuse to leave an abuse survivor behind.

This fact hit me again this morning when I read Chris Hill’s article on the current ACNA clergy abuse crisis. I do not know much about the ACNAtoo group, but their website alone demonstrates an incredible labor of love. The amount of volunteer hours poured into this project is beyond calculation. I’ve seen this first hand among the Help[H]er staff and board. I would like to take a moment to break down some of the costs volunteer advocates have borne in order to help victims find justice in church courts.

Education

Many of the women2 in this field pursued further education in order to gain the qualifications and credentials needed to do the work ethically.3 Women have paid out of pocket for seminary degrees, doctoral degrees, counseling degrees, and law degrees to fill the gap. A seminary degree alone can cost around $60,000-$150,000 and a cheaper than average law school will run you the same. And that’s just tuition. That does not include living expenses, books, or the loss of a paycheck in the meantime.

Even if a degree was not an option, women have paid out of pocket for every ounce of training they have obtained; training in denominational polity, trauma informed care, advocacy, webpage design, continuing education, etc.

Time

Time is money. A friend of Help[H]er once joked that our advocates are bible lawyers. We understand the ins and outs of denominational polity, theological systems, and religious subcultures. This enables us to advocate for a woman’s best interest in church court, while speaking the language that church leaders understand. If advocates billed hourly akin to what an average new lawyer billed in my state, they would make about $100 an hour (at a minimum).

Every client an advocate meets with is a guaranteed hour of time. Many cases run into hundreds of hours, especially if ecclesiastical charges are involved. The greater the crisis, the more hours are going to be logged. Advocates meet with clients, do research on their behalf, and communicate with officials and the press. There may be meetings with their church leadership, employer, or healthcare providers. There is a review and drafting of documents, timelines, reports, and media releases.

There is also a behind the scenes component to all of this too. The website takes hours to create and maintain. The systems, processes, and forms undergirding the organization have to be created and updated. Any publications the organization puts forth as a resource must be written, vetted, edited, and coordinated with design elements. The vast majority of the work I am aware of on these fronts in the advocacy space are all volunteer based.

Relationships & Reputation

This might be the heaviest cost that an advocate experience. You often lose relationships in mass. Many advocates I know have lost their churches, relatives, and lifelong friends for speaking truth when no-one wants to hear it.

One form of relationship I’ve found myself grieving lately has been my trust in both ecclesial and civil systems. I recently contacted the police on a victim’s behalf. My goal was simply to understand what that local office’s process for crime reporting was. All I was asking about was their process. When I refused to give the victim’s date of birth without consent, the officer cut me off saying, “We can’t help you.” I was met with suspicion, incredulity, and disrespect for simply seeking to help a crime victim report. I wasn’t asking for them to do anything other than to tell me their process for reporting. I grew up in a family of first responders and have even worked for a law enforcement organization in the past. I’m halfway through freaking law school. None of that mattered. From my perspecitve of the experience, the fact that I was a woman advocating for another woman claiming abuse was enough to be discounted. I felt like I was walking an impossible line - be competent enough so that they do not chalk you off as crazy…but don’t be so competent that you come off as a threat. Many churches are not any better. I wish I didn’t know this. Ignorance pre-seminary really was bliss.

Conclusion

Perhaps most striking in all of this is that the costs explored above only explore those of the advocates. Not a single one explores the costs that victims and whistleblowers experience in order to seek justice. All of the same costs apply, with additional ones such as your physical health and financial security long term.

In church spaces, advocates are often portrayed in derogatory lights. Crazy. Extreme. Enemies of the church. Angry woke feminists. But I would like to counter that narrative. The work most advocates do for free has few tangible benefits.4 No one likes being called names by church leaders. No-one likes having the police belittle you (and the victim) on the phone. No one likes paying out of pocket for a degree so that you can work for free. No-one likes losing your friends or your church community in the process. Next time you hear a church leader say something derogatory about an advocate, or an advocacy group, stop and ask yourself, “Who is actually bearing the cost here?” The answer is illuminating.

What if we did not view advocates as a threat, but rather as those embracing a unique spiritual calling from the Lord? Overall, I would argue that advocates are good for the church at large, calling for accountability, justice, and truth. (Perhaps not unlike the prophets of old…)

As I mentioned above, churches in the United States are in a unique position - because of the First Amendment, there is minimal oversight into church affairs. Unfortunately, this privilege has been grossly taken advantage of in many instances to prey on those least suspecting. Options for accountability are limited - mainly coming from the press and advocates. For those who find such predatory behavior repungnant, the sacrifice of advocates is an opportunity for gratefulness and support.

Even with the best advocate by your side, a victim may never see justice in church court. The pastor who abused them may not be defrocked. The woman who left her abusive elder husband may still be excommunicated. The music minister who molested students may still get a goodbye party on his last day. But when justice is achieved, just know there is often an army of volunteers hidden behind the scenes footing the bill.

Resources

Are you interested in exploring the labors of love that advocates have created in order to support victims and demand accountability? Here are a few of my favorites. Some are run by people I know personally, others have been impactful in my life through their writings:

• ACNAtoo

• Christa Brown

• Rachael Denhollender

• Clergy Sexual Misconduct

• Help[H]er / Safe to Hope Podcast

• Restored Voices Collective

• Prebyterian Pew (Check out the podcast as well)

Upcoming Articles

• Advocacy As Spiritual Calling

• Developing Best Practices for Advocacy

• A Vision for The Future

Today, I bring you poetry about grammer to inspire your own joy. For many in seminary, the languages are the hardest part of the course load, for good reason. I personally found positive quotes and poetry about the rewards of language and grammer helped me slog through the difficulties. If you are at the end of your seminary semester facing a language final, maybe a little poetry can help light a fire of inspiration. Enjoy!

At the Classroom Door

Lord, at Thy word opens yon door, inviting
Teacher and taught to feast this hour with Thee;
Opens a Book where God in human writing
Thinks His deep thoughts, and dead tongues live for me.

Too dread the task, too great the duty calling,
Too heavy far the weight is laid on me!
O if mine own thought should on Thy words falling
Mar the great message, and men hear not Thee!

Give me Thy voice to speak, Thine ear to listen,
Give me Thy mind to grasp Thy mystery;
So shall my heart throb, and my glad eyes glisten,
Rapt with the wonders Thoe doest show to me.

- J.H. Moulton (1917)1

Meter

Meter in Latin;
Meter in Greek;
When they got to Hebrew,
the meter was weak.

- Yours Truly2

Dead Tongues Speak No Tales

New students doth the dead tongue beckon,
It’s hidden secrets and intracacies to reckon.
Only the dilligent will find their reward,
Echoing the refrains of an ancient chord.

Tales cease when the tongue doth die,
but the truth spoken in life continues to survive.
Words of life carved in immortality,
The tongue resting in the grave, secure in its veracity.

No new tales can a dead tongue spin,
Yet dead tongues still speak, hearts to win.
Ancient words modern tongues ignore,
Yet ancient truths echo on by moderns who adore.

-Yours Truly

I find myself at the end of seminary a very different person than the one who entered. I entered seminary complementarian and exited mutualist. I entered credo-baptist and exited padeo-baptist. I entered confident in a lot of things and exited confident in Christ alone. In some ways I entered seminary still a girl, but now exit a woman.

Which leads me to confront so many issues. I don’t know how to be a woman. My complementarian and patriarchal upbringing taught me how to be a perpetual girl. What does it mean to be woman with a masters degree and a career? What does it mean to be a woman with a voice? What does it mean to be a woman without a wedding band, or a string of kids behind me at the grocery store? Can you even be a woman if you don’t drive a mini-van?

While I cannot claim to have it all figured out, I’m learning. Bit by bit. In my law school classes lately I’ve been learning a lot about the legal history of women’s rights. I had no idea how recent many of the biggest protections for women were. Since my brain is suddenly free to think about non-seminary things, a burst of Substack creativity naturally ensued. So, I’ve decided to make a pop quiz for my readers. If you participate, you will be entered in a raffle for a $20 Help[H]er Store giftcard. If you are the person with the highest number of right answers, I’ll mail you a copy of my advent devotional Remember My Afflictions. I’m assuming honor code here folks - no looking it up!

I was a 90’s child which means I was one of the first generations to grow up in a world with many of these rights and protections. To me these things were normal. I am only now beginning to realize that was not normal for my mom and grandmothers. I don’t wish for our society to return to those days. So, I’m sprinking in a little legal history lesson. Let’s not forget how recent many of our protections are!

Here is the quiz! Enjoy!

Bonus piece of advice: You should drop everything and go watch On The Basis of Sex this weekend. You are welcome in advance.

This is a post from the archives, but it felt relevant again as students of all ages head back to school. If there is one message I could preach to myself and other graduate students especially, it would be this one.

Knowledge can be pursued for one of two reasons. Power or love.

Our first parents reached for power when they took fruit from the Tree of Knowledge. Power to be like God. Power to be autonomous in decision making. Power to know. We know the results. Death and destruction reign.

For two years, I have been asking myself why the NAPARC water I swim in feels so dirty. I fear part of the problem is the cerebral nature of the Reformed tradition. It is steeped in intellect. It is highly rational, logical, and deep. It’s what attracted me to it. As a teenager who grew up in low-church circles, I was hungry for depth. Reformed theology assured me that God is brilliant. There are answers to my questions. I love this aspect still. God used it to keep me in the faith all those years ago. But people love knowledge for one of two reasons. To horde power, or to give away love. What if the intellectual nature of our tradition is part of tinder fueling the authoritarian dumpster fire we see raging out of control?

Seminary has taught me that knowledge itself cannot and will not save. Aimee Byrd highlights this on a recent podcast. Sanctification and knowledge are not the same thing. In fact, knowledge apart from sanctification becomes a weapon to use on innocent sheep. It becomes a method of coercion; a rod to shame sheep into selfish compliance. This is why spiritual abuse is so heinous - a pastor uses the power that comes with spiritual knowledge to manipulate a sheep. Paul knew this. His words are strong- one with spiritual knowledge without love is nothing.

If I have the gift of prophecy and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith so that I can move mountains but do not have love, I am nothing.

1 Cor. 13:2

But there is a better way. Knowledge steeped in love is safe. Healing. Life.

The first Adam failed, plunging the world into death. But the second Adam came to reveal the Father. To give life…life abundant. He promises, “Abide in me and I in you. Abide in my love. If you keep my commands, you will abide in my love.”

Love is patient.

Love is kind.

Love does not envy.

Love does not boast.

Love is not arrogant or rude.

It does not insist on its own way.

It is not irritable or resentful.

It does not keep record of wrong-doing.

It rejoices in the truth.

It bears all things.

It hopes all things.

Endures all things.

“This is my command: Love one another as I have loved you.”

Intimacy begets knowledge. If used to exert power, knowledge insists on its own way. It is irritable and resentful. It keeps a record of wrong-doing. Anyone who grew up with siblings knows this reality. I know your secrets, your sins, and your insecurities. I can throw that in your face at any point. Or worse, I can use it to blackmail you with mom. Knowledge is power. And it is ugly.

Unless I lay down that power and chose the better way. When confronted with your weakness, I remember my Lord’s patience with me. His kindness. The way he rejoices when I achieve even the smallest aspect of living in truth. And my knowledge of his love drives me to love you in the same manner. In this manner, knowledge is beautiful.

The knowledge of God, theology, history, and even people packed in a seminary education is immense. And used correctly, it can be a balm to a wounded soul. Just this morning I was listening to a lecture about the proper interpretation of 1 John 3:6. What happens when you have parishioner who comes to you troubled. Their NASB 1995 says, “No one who abides in Him sins; no one who sins has seen Him or knows Him.” They still struggle with sin. Does this mean they do not know God?

Your seminary education gives you two options. The first would be to scoff at their ignorance. “Don’t you know, the Greek here can carry continuous action….” The second option is that of a parent with a beloved child who tenderly explains the better interpretation with all humility. “Oh I can see why you would be troubled by that. I’m so glad you were brave enough to ask. Let’s look at other translations and maybe I can explain the grammar behind this text.” The first option humiliates. It is arrogant and rude. It uses the question of another to prop up one’s own pride of knowledge. The second grants precious assurance. It is patient and kind. It gives knowledge away freely, so that others too may steward it. It encounters the person as someone to love.1

“When people are not encountered, they are exploited.”

KJ Ramsey

I confess, this piece may be for me more than anyone else. Writing this piece is a knife to my heart. I see the ways knowledge has puffed my heart up. I am the Reformed jerk we all hate. I grieve that. I long for knowledge to be a means of loving God with all my heart, and my neighbor as myself. I hate that this paradigm has come to me only in my final semester. But I am grateful. No one who abides in Him keeps on sinning.

Lovers are the ones who know the most about God. The theologian must listen to them.

Hans Urs von Balthasar

A dear friend continually reminds me that God grants us eyes to see problems in order to pray about them. She is a lover. I, the theologian, must listen to her. As I survey the NAPARC landscape, I am reminded that the knowledge of the Reformed world’s deepest and darkest secrets are so that I can pray on her behalf. I pray that the Lord would utterly transform our churches. That our seminaries would overflow with professors and pupils who abide in the love of Christ. That our pastors would hunger for knowledge not so they can rule, but so that they may love others better. That our elders would rely on the Book of Church Order (BOC) as a tool to love, not a weapon to destroy.

Knowledge can be power. But it can also be love. Let us choose the better way.

³⁴ When the Pharisees heard that he had silenced the Sadducees, they came together. ³⁵ And one of them, an expert in the law, asked a question to test him: ³⁶ “Teacher, which command in the law is the greatest?”

³⁷ He said to him, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.^{[l] 38} This is the greatest and most important command. ³⁹ The second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself. ⁴⁰ All the Law and the Prophets depend on these two commands.”

Matt. 22:34-40

“Obedience is not so much a keeping to the rules as acts of selfless love. Obedience is an honouring; it opens the opportunities to serve God without personal desires.”

Lucinda Vardey

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In some ways, the world feels like a Psalm 88 world right now. I sit with abuse survivors who daily bear the consequences of other people’s sin even though years have passed. Healing is certainly possible and present, but even then the consequences linger. The death of a loved one can feel much the same. Watching prison camps for migrants being constructed produces similar grief and helplessness. How can we sing the joyful songs of Adonai in a foreign land?1

Despite the fact that we live in a Psalm 88 world, Psalm 100 arises to claim in place in our hearts and minds. The Book of Common Prayer incorporates Psalm 100 (The Jubilate) into Morning Prayer. Whether you feel like saying it or not, its presence demands attention every morning.

Lately, my heart has not felt like reciting the Jubilate.2 It doesn’t seem to match reality. Singing a joyful song isn’t first on my reactions. But I did anyway, and I felt the Holy Spirit breathe new life into me. I realized Psalm 100 is most important when Psalm 88 feels most relevant.

“Be assured that the Lord, he is God.” He is God. Evil humans do not have the power to change this reality. God prizes justice and uprightness. Be assured - he will arise as God, though he seems silent now.

“We are the sheep of his pasture.” His care is present even when terrors swirl. Both of things can be simultaneously true.

“The Lord is gracious, his mercy is everlasting.” His mercy is present in our generation, just as it was in generations prior. We are not an exception.

“His truth endures from generation to generation.” Nothing evil humans do can stamp out his truth. It endures forever - available in every generation.

Psalm 100 praises God not because life is good, but because God’s nature is unchanging. Psalm 88 circumstances cannot change that reality.

The Bible does not demand “either/or” thinking. Recognizing beauty amid ugliness helps keep our heads above water. God’s kingdom is breaking through slowly but surely. Recognizing ugliness even though beauty is present reminds us that something is very wrong. This is not our home - we need the kingdom to come.

My friend McKay summarized it this way - when you see the brokeness of the world, sometimes you need to put on that High School Musical soundtrack to remember that reality is also true.

I sense much (shared) discouragment among my friends in helping professions currently. If that is you, don’t forget that Psalm 88 and Psalm 100 can both be true at the same time. Hold Psalm 88 confidently in one hand, and take hold of Psalm 100 in the other.

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Trigger Warning: This article addresses domestic abuse, strangulation, attempted murder, and child abuse. Read only to the extent that you want or are able.

I’m going to be honest - I’ve been delaying this article for weeks. I am out of my depth even writing this article. For that reason, I am including further resources by people with far more experience in this field. About six months ago my friend and mentor from church, PK, put this “new-to-me” issue on my radar - strangulation. PK is a licensed therapist and encounters strangulation in epidemic proportions in her job as a Christian therapist. Ever since she texted me about it, it’s come up everywhere. It was even one of the priorities highlighted at the Conference on Crimes Against Women this year.

So what is strangulation? Strangulation is pressure (or compression) applied to the neck of another which then blocks normal breathing or blood circulation. It is a form of asphyxiation1 and has become a frequent aspect of sex for those under 40 in the last 20 years.2 In some cases participation is consensual and an expected part of sex (thanks to the influence of porn) due to the euphoria that oxygen deprivation and the power dynamic bring. However, this consent makes it no less physically dangerous or alarming. This in itself is a pastoral issue that needs to be addressed.

However, there is a far more sinister side that is associated with sadistic tactics often employed by serial killers. Strangulation is proof that an abuser can kill quickly, quietly, and often without a trace. This will be the focus on today’s article.

So why are we talking about it on a blog for female seminarians?

If you are involved in ministry of any form, this needs to be on your radar, especially as you navigate domestic violence reports in your church. Pastors remain one of the first people a victim in crisis turns to for help. The aim of this article is to equip ministry leaders to a) recognize such a report; b) understand what that report is telling you; and finally, c) equip you to take the appropriate action.

You may still be scoffing - surely this cannot be that big of problem. Try this on for size - at the conference one of the presenters was a former prosecutor who worked solely on non-fatal strangulation cases. She averaged 800 cases from one county per year. I guarantee many of those women went to church. Strangulation is a massive issue in our society and it’s time we talked about it.

Recognizing A Report

If a woman comes to you disclosing domestic abuse, she may or may not disclose all the details. You may need to ask directly about strangulation.

Most likely a woman in distress is not going to use the technical term strangulation. If she tells you at all she will probably say her partner has been “choking” her. In the domestic violence context this may or may not have happened during sex (and even if it did shame may keep her from stating it). For technical medical and legal reasons,3 the use of the term strangulation matters. But for a woman in crisis, that distinction in the moment is irrelevant. Just be aware that on the ground choking may be code for strangulation.

At this point you may be tempted to look to the victim’s neck for marks as validation of her report. Unfortunately, strangulation may not necessarily leave marks visible to the naked eye. Involving health care and law enforcement is essential for this reason (see below).

It is also important to know that partners may not be the only ones strangled. Abusers often strangle children as well. If the woman reporting has children, ask about the children as well.

What This Report Means

A report like this should send alarm bells off in your head. Strangulation is a major predictor of lethality - victims are 7x more likely to be killed by their intimate partner. Strangulation is a power move by an abuser - “Your life is in my hands and at any point I can take your breath from you.” Furthermore, even if the incident was not immediately fatal, the silent health issues for a victim can linger for weeks and can also be fatal. This type of report means a victim likely needs immediate medical care and protection.

What Should A Pastor/Ministry Leader Do With Such A Report?

Do:

• Affirm that you believe her;

• Help her get immediate medical care;

• Help her report to police;

• Help her connect to a trained Domestic Violence Shelter/Advocate;

• Help her report to Child Protective Services as well if applicable. Based on your jurisdiction you may also be a mandated reportor regarding child abuse.

Don’t:

• Try to be the hero;

• Handle this alone (you are out of your depth);

• Breach confidentiality;

• Communicate with the offender, even if he is a church member. This is the role of the police from this point on.

Further Resources

• Brief summary

• A Cry For Justice

• Proactive Measures: Quietly place brochures and shelter information in the women’s bathrooms without calling attention to that fact. Your local DV shelter would be more than happy to partner with you to obtain these resources.

Takeaways from the Conference

Strangulation is often a difficult crime to get a jury conviction on because of the lack of obvious markers. Abusers often claim that the strangulation was consensual and just a part of “rough sex.” Several of the workshops were geared towards helping law enforcement pick up the differences between the two; and helping prosecutors explain that difference to the jury. One important aspect of pastoral wisdom is not allowing the abuser to wrap you into his/her schemes. An abuser will want you as the pastor to believe their version of events and spiritually punish the victim for claiming harm. An abuser may even ask you to serve as a character witness. Know ahead of time that such acts are part of an abuser’s playbook. By keeping such issues on your radar you can provide a safe spiritual environment for those being harmed and prevent “God” from becoming an additional weapon in an abuser’s arsenal.

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Trigger Warning: Domestic abuse, homicide, and suicide are all mentioned in the article below. Read with discretion to the extent that you are able.

Welcome to Part 2 of the “Takeaways from CCAW” series. If you missed part 1, click here.

One of things I appreciated about the conference was the way it helped me think about things from a new perspective. Much of the information wasn’t necessarily new information as much as re-framed information.

In one of the sessions, the speaker made a throw-away comment about “the endpoints of abuse.” This session focused on the criminalization of abuse survivors for crimes committed in the course of the abuse such as murder, prostitution, child endangerment, etc.1

As this speaker continued, my mind latched on to the phrase, “the endpoints of abuse.” Law school has taught me to think in flow charts and I sketched the chart below out on my notepad in the session.

A picture is worth a thousand words.

Pastors, when your congregant comes to you about the domestic abuse at home, this is the reality of the situation. Rarely do abusers change. Barring that, these are the options on the table. These five options represent the endpoints of abuse in most cases.

So now what? How does this information help us care for our congregants better?

1. It helps us know our lane and know our limits. Pastors are not experts in domestic abuse. A pastor’s job to help the guide the victim in their walk with Christ throughout this process. This could be prayer. This could be helping the victim reclaim the verses of Scripture that have been weaponized. This could be reassuring the victim that they have grounds to leave. The best thing we can do is stay in that lane while pulling in the experts on domestic abuse to guide him/her through their best options. And as, my colleague Ann Maree Goudzwaard pointed out, a head pastor likely should not be the one heading up a care team simply due to lack of capacity. (See her article below). Sometimes we serve best when we admit we aren’t the one who should be serving at all.

   Help[H]er Substack

   The Care She Deserves

   A couple weeks ago, several of the HH staff attended a Crimes Against Women conference in Dallas, Tx. It’s a major training event, drawing care providers from multiple walks of life—advocates, law enforcement, Homeland Security, medical personal, counselors, and attorneys. This multi-disciplinary crowd gathered from all…

   Read more

   a year ago · 4 likes · 2 comments · ann maree

2. It provides patience (and perspective) for the process. This flow-chart puts reality on paper - there really are no good options. Even if a woman leaves, death by spousal homicide or suicide are still possible outcomes. The ongoing effects of prior abuse linger regardless. Furthermore, abusers don’t stop abusing just because you don’t live with them anymore. Abuse often escalates when a woman leaves, especially if shared children are available as pawns in the abuser’s game. If these were your options, what would your physical and emotional response be? If you knew that leaving meant your abusive spouse would have full access to your children without your presence to protect them, would you leave? Sometimes victims are forced to make less than ideal choices - such as continuing to endure the abuse - because it’s the best option in a barrel of really bad ones. Seeing reality on paper helps us honor the autonomy of the victim with Christlike compassion.2

3. It prepares you for hard conversations long before those conversations come up. You may have the unfortunate reality of guiding an entire congregation through a spousal homicide or suicide. One of my friends in college was at church one Sunday when a husband showed up with a gun at church. Thanks to quick thinking on the deacons’ part - tragedy was avoided inside the church. However, the husband took his own life in the parking lot. All of this on Sunday morning during worship.3 In preschool we were taught to Stop. Drop. Roll. long before there was ever a fire. The same principle applies now.

Why do I write about this for pastors? Because I wasn’t taught this in seminary. But for many, how your pastor and church responds to your disclosure of abuse can literally be an issue of life or death. Pastors retain an overwhelming voice in people’s lives. These issues will come up, and I long for the next generation of pastors to be equipped to handle them.

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As I sat through the workshops of this conference, I kept thinking, “Every pastor should attend this conference.” The topics are heavy and challenging: Familial human trafficking, strangulation crimes, domestic abuse, the impact of pornography, and lethality assessments for dating/spousal relationships to name a few. But frankly, these are the issues the families in our pews are facing every day. These are the issues seminaries are failing to address. These are the issues our churches are failing to guide families through well.

Additionally, there are several specific reasons why pastors should take a seat at this table:

1. A pastor is often the first person a woman in crisis turns to for help.

2. Believing a woman in crisis is important, but insufficient on its own. Good doctrine minus real world experience can be deadly. I heard one tragic story at this conference of a church that agreed that a woman should leave her abusive husband and counseled her to do so. Unfortunately, this church was unaware of the lethality risk of such a decision and did not connect her to a domestic abuse shelter. She was killed by her spouse as she tried to escape. Good counsel failed for lack of expertise.

3. Pastors have outsized power and platform. Used well out of love for God and neighbor, a pastor can change the trajectory of a woman’s life by the way these issues are addressed from the pulpit.

4. Christian conferences can be great, but often they are siloed by tradition. As a result you only come into contact with those who attended the same seminaries, read the same books, and listen to the same speakers. A conference such as this broadens the conversation. Many faith traditions were present in the room, many of whom have been wrestling with these systematic issues for decades. There is no need to re-invent the pastoral wheel. A conference such as this helps impart knowledge across the lines of tradition.

5. Common grace is powerful. Being a Christian does not mean all the right knowledge is miraculously downloaded into your brain. I discovered several categories this week developed by law enforcement or social workers that have direct application to churches as well. Pastors have much to glean from other helping professions if humility is prioritized. Pastors do not need to be experts in everything. But pastors need a broad knowledge base to connect congregants with those best equipped to help.

6. Loving your neighbor as yourself means understanding the world your neighbor inhabits. The world is an ugly and dark place. This is the world Christ came to redeem. A conference like this forces you to reckon with whether you actually believe the Gospel is big enough to apply to your neighbor’s world too. What does ministry look like when you encounter the little girl from the trailer park who is being sold for sex by a relative? Or when your ministry is to minority families who bear the grief of missing family members for decades? Or when your ministry exists in a community that doesn’t have time to grieve tragedy due to poverty and system injustice? Christ became a man of sorrows as he came to save the world from the curse of sin. This conference forced me to grapple with this in new ways.

   In my experience, our seminaries are teaching theology. But if we are not requiring students to spend their days “walking a mile in their congregant’s shoes,” we are not teaching students how to pastor. And if our congregations do not have these problems, we should probably be asking the question, why not? Most likely it is because the families in your pews are really good at hiding their problems, especially if you are in wealthy church. Wealth can hide problems, for a little while anyway. Marital abuse is harder to detect when the wife is wearing Anthropology and expensive jewelry. Addiction problems are easier to hide when you can afford to send your teenager to rehab. Familial sex trafficking is easier to hide when the little girl is wearing ribbons and bows in Sunday School every week.

7. Even if your congregation has relatively few crisis in the pews, your congregation is likely made up of those who interact with such darkness as a professional. Does your congregation have doctors? Nurses? Law Enforcement Officers? Public-interest attorneys? Advocates? Many people in these professions wrestle with vicarious trauma through indirect exposure. Pastors are ministering to the caregivers as well. Pastors get to help them see the presence of Jesus in their lives as they work with victims and offenders. A conference such as this is helpful in gaining exposure to the professional realities of your congregants as well so that you can tailor your preaching and pastoral care well.

Over the next few weeks I hope to recap my takeaways from the conference. Topics include institutional courage, the similarities between (toxic) organized religion and organized crime, where domestic abuse ends, what pastors should know about strangulation, ministry to men who have offended, etc.

In summary, “If we present a Christian faith that is of no earthly use, that has no implications for the practice of life in every realm, and that has no demonstration of the power of the gospel to renew life here and now, then we have succumbed to a future-oriented gnostic reduction of the gospel.”1 Let us not succumb to Gnosticism!

If you have any questions about the conference or the upcoming topics, comment below!

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Lessons From the 20th Century (For Churches)

1. Don’t Obey In Advance1 - Does your church have a silent code of obedience that everyone is conforming to? What is it? Are you conforming to it in order to stay in favor? Synder comments, “A citizen who adapts in this way is teaching power what it can do.” If you did not conform, what would happen?

2. Defend Intra-Church Institutions2- Most likely your church (or perhaps denomination too) has institutions within such as women’s ministry, children’s ministry, deaconate, elder board, vestry, etc. Whether we realize it or not, these “institutions” provide a check on tyranny by providing a variety of leaders in the church, not just senior leadership. Each brings advocacy and competing interests for subsets of the church population. It is certainly possible that these institutions are only puppets for senior leadership (so be aware!), but their existence can help provide dissent and a dispersion of power.

3. Beware the one-party church3 - Does your church demand a single party line theologically or politically on things orthodox Christians in good faith can disagree on? Beware. If your church demands rigid groupthink, any dissenting view is deemed dangerous. This is tyranny in of itself.

4. Take responsibility for the face of the church4 - Do you see abusive behaviors happening in your church? Call them what they are.

What happens if no one plays the game?

Vaclav Havel5

5. Remember your ethics6 - Are you in a position of power or leadership in your church? Don’t lose your Christian ethics when faced with an “extraordinary” situation. Tyrannical leaders often create really good excuses to depart from your Christian ethics. Don’t capitulate.

6. Remember you have power and pause before you use it upon request7- Tyrannical leaders do not carry out abuses single handedly. Instead, they use insitutions, often legitimate ones, to carry out their dirty business. If you are given orders, stop to ask why before you carry them out.

7. Stand out8- Your unwillingness to go along with the system gives others permission as well. It also demonstrates the fragility of the power being weilded.

8. Be kind to our language9 - Have you ever noticed how a church shapes the vocabulary of it’s congregants? If you are in the Reformed space, phrases such as “God’s providence,” “created order,” and “regulative principle,” dominate your vocabulary. Using these phrases in of themselves is not wrong. But if these are the only words shaping your view of the world, you are missing out on so much of Christendom, much less common grace. Such phrases limit our framework, which in turn inhibits our discernment of reality. Read widely. Cultivate wide variety in your friendships and take a global view of Christianity.

9. Believe in truth.10 This is an ironic one to write in an article on churches. Don’t all Christians believe in truth? Synder writes, “You submit to tyranny when you renounce the difference between what you want to hear and what is actually the case.” How can you tell if truth is under attack in your church?

   First, is there open hostility to verifiable reality?11 I see this often in domestic abuse cases. A child is molested by a parent but church leadership wants to view the actions in ANY light but that. It was an accident. He just has poor boundaries. He would never do that. You’re remembering it wrong. You’re making it up. You are bitter about his parental authority over you and this is an act of rebellion.

   Second, is there endless reinforcement of a stereotype or a ideal (but artificial) reality? Synder writes, “The Big Lie created its own world, where anyone who pointed to simple truths was the enemy.”12 I think of this quote by Joey Pippa as an example. “God has not made [women] to exercise the kind of hard, judgmental discernment that is necessary in theological and scriptural issues. By nature, a woman will more likely fall prey to the subtleties of mental and theological error." If you say this confidently enough times, your people begin to think its true. Women stop pursuing autonomy and theological education, deferring only to men. Over time, this statement becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy, creating an artificial reality.

   Third, is your church proclaiming magical thinking via the open embrace of contradiction?13 Giving your entire savings as seed money to the church will pull you out of poverty! Respecting your (dispicable) husband will cause him to become respectable! Women’s subserviance is actually their freedom!

   Finally, is faith misplaced in a particular person or system?14 Is Reformed theology the only right theology? Is __________ Seminary the only biblical seminary left? Is believer’s baptism the only baptism by which someone can take communion? Is your pastor the only one who can lead the church in this trying time? If the answer is yes, you are looking at the death of truth.

   ---

   Post-truth is pre-facism.

   Timothy Snyder15

   ---

10. Investigate16 - Is your leadership telling you the truth? Have you noticed prominent couples disappearing from your congregation suddenly? Has their departure been explained away by leadership? Investigate. Do not just take leadership’s words for granted. Go to the couple who left and ask them why. Doing so may expose things in your church that you don’t want to see.

11. Establish a Private Life17 - Believe it or not, your church leadership has no business being involved in your private life. You are allowed to decide whether to have children, how many you should have, and when. You are allowed to decide in your marriage who cooks and who gets the oil changed. You are allowed to discern for yourself what types of music you will and won’t consume. By all means pursue godliness, even pastoral counsel from time to time. But if your church leadership is dictating basic aspects of your everyday life, this should be a major redflag. This may not be just a pastor. This could be a mentor, or a small group leader. Anyone with leadership, formal or informal, has the ability to exercise such control. Take it back.

12. Be As Courageous As You Can18 - Speaking out against tyranny does come at a cost. Leaders do not like to change systems that are structured to benefit them. Recognize that courage may look like losing your church. But as Synder writes,

    “If none of us is prepared to die for freedom, then all of us will die under tyranny.” This is as true spiritually as it is physically.

Have you read Synder’s book? Did any of the other principles stand out to you in relation to religious communities? Comment below!

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I’ve hesitated to join the conversation, mainly because this newsletter is dedicated to seminary, theology, and related subjects. I hate arguing about politics. But folks, this isn’t about politcs anymore. This is about Constitutional order and reality as we know it. Yes, the present state of things truly is THAT bad. Frankly, politics will not matter if our Constitutional order disappears.

I speak here as a law student who is listening to legal scholars and judges raise the alarm. I myself have no expertise to offer beyond a first year legal education. But when both my Federalist Society, Republican Registered Professor and my Yale-trained “liberal” Professor both give speeches1 on the urgency of the moment with similar talking points, I pay attention. I pass along what they are communicating to you.

Background

You have likely heard of Mr. Abrego Garcia’s deportation to an El Salvadorian prison. Mr. Garcia is a legal resident of the U.S. and is married to a U.S. Citizen. In 2019, the court barred the government from deporting him. That bar remains in effect.2 For this reason alone, his deportation was illegal. However, the lack of due process makes his deportation unconstitutional as well. 

The Trump administration has stated that his deportation was an “administrative error.”3 The employee who made this statement has since been fired.4 However, the administration has also pointed to his involvment in gang activity and domestic violence to justify his deportation. 5

The Constituional Issue (and What It Means)

There are three main issue at stake. First is the lack of due process in Mr. Garcia’s case. No warrant was issued for his arrest. He received no judicial hearing. Within three days of being picked up by ICE, he was transported to a Super Max prision in El Salvador.6 What does this mean? It means that this administration believes they have the right to defy due process. In fact, Trump has stated as much since 2018.7 Due process is a Constitutional right that is extended to citizens and non-citizens alike. The government may be legitimately concerned about criminal activity. That is fine. We have processes on American soil for that. Furthermore, thus far, the government has resisted any attempts to back this claim with evidence. Judge Xinis blasted the governement for this.

“Defendants cannot invoke the moniker of MS-13,” she wrote, “then object to follow-up interrogatories seeking the factual bases for the same.”8

Second, this action makes clear that the Trump administration is willing to disregard the law as they deported him contrary to the judiciary’s 2019 ruling. This is flagrent disregard of the court system and the rule of law. The rule of law is essential, but it is also fragile. Without the rule of law, Americans will no longer have anything to rely on for justice or equity.

This brings us to the third issue is the Trump administration’s defiance of present court orders. Our Constitutional system only works when the Executive Branch complies with the Supreme Court’s rulings. The Supreme Court recently upheld the District Court’s ruling that the Government must facilitate the Abrego Garcia’s release from custody in El Salvador and handle his case as if his deportation and imprisonment had never happened.9 The Trump administration has refused to “facilitate” his release, stating there is nothing they can do since he is outside U.S. jurisdiction.10 In other words, the Executive Branch is refusing to comply with the Judicial Branch. This has longterm and dire consequences for life as we know it. Law will essentially mean nothing. Our courts will be useless. The Executive Branch, rather than executing the law, will become the law.

What This Means For You

You may be thinking, “She is over-reacting.” I urge you to re-consider after reading the the 4th Circuit Opinion penned by Judge Wilkerson. This judge has a reputation for being one of the most pro-government judges on the present bench. I have included the full opinion below.11 It is worth your time to consider the implications he raises.

Upon review of the government’s motion, the court denies the motion for an emergency stay pending appeal and for a writ of mandamus. The relief the government is requesting is both extraordinary and premature. While we fully respect the Executive’s robust assertion of its Article II powers, we shall not micromanage the efforts of a fine district judge attempting to implement the Supreme Court’s recent decision.

It is difficult in some cases to get to the very heart of the matter. But in this case, it is not hard at all. The government is asserting a right to stash away residents of this country in foreign prisons without the semblance of due process that is the foundation of our constitutional order. Further, it claims in essence that because it has rid itself of custody that there is nothing that can be done.

This should be shocking not only to judges, but to the intuitive sense of liberty that Americans far removed from courthouses still hold dear.

The government asserts that Abrego Garcia is a terrorist and a member of MS-13. Perhaps, but perhaps not. Regardless, he is still entitled to due process. If the government is confident of its position, it should be assured that position will prevail in proceedings to terminate the withholding of removal order. See 8 C.F.R. § 208.24(f) (requiring that the government prove “by a preponderance of evidence” that the alien is no longer entitled to a withholding of removal). Moreover, the government has conceded that Abrego Garcia was wrongly or “mistakenly” deported. Why then should it not make what was wrong, right?

The Supreme Court’s decision remains, as always, our guidepost. That decision rightly requires the lower federal courts to give “due regard for the deference owed to the Executive Branch in the conduct of foreign affairs.” Noem v. Abrego Garcia, No. 24A949, slip op. at 2 (U.S. Apr. 10, 2025); see also United States v. Curtiss-Wright Exp. Corp., 299 U.S. 304, 319 (1936). That would allow sensitive diplomatic negotiations to be removed from public view. It would recognize as well that the “facilitation” of Abrego Garcia’s return leaves the Executive Branch with options in the execution to which the courts in accordance with the Supreme Court’s decision should extend a genuine deference. That decision struck a balance that does not permit lower courts to leave Article II by the wayside.

The Supreme Court’s decision does not, however, allow the government to do essentially nothing. It requires the government “to ‘facilitate’ Abrego Garcia’s release from custody in El Salvador and to ensure that his case is handled as it would have been had he not been improperly sent to El Salvador.” Abrego Garcia, supra, slip op. at 2. “Facilitate” is an active verb. It requires that steps be taken as the Supreme Court has made perfectly clear. See Abrego Garcia, supra, slip op. at 2 (“[T]he Government should be prepared to share what it can concerning the steps it has taken and the prospect of further steps.”). The plain and active meaning of the word cannot be diluted by its constriction, as the government would have it, to a narrow term of art. We are not bound in this context by a definition crafted by an administrative agency and contained in a mere policy directive. Cf. Loper Bright Enters. v. Raimondo, 603 U.S. 369, 400 (2024); Christensen v. Harris Cnty., 529 U.S. 576, 587 (2000). Thus, the government’s argument that all it must do is “remove any domestic barriers to [Abrego Garcia’s] return,” Mot. for Stay at 2 , is not well taken in light of the Supreme Court’s command that the government facilitate Abrego Garcia’s release from custody in El Salvador.

“Facilitation” does not permit the admittedly erroneous deportation of an individual to the one country’s prisons that the withholding order forbids and, further, to do so in disregard of a court order that the government not so subtly spurns. “Facilitation” does not sanction the abrogation of habeas corpus through the transfer of custody to foreign detention centers in the manner attempted here. Allowing all this would “facilitate” foreign detention more than it would domestic return. It would reduce the rule of law to lawlessness and tarnish the very values for which Americans of diverse views and persuasions have always stood.

The government is obviously frustrated and displeased with the rulings of the court. Let one thing be clear. Court rulings are not above criticism. Criticism keeps us on our toes and helps us do a better job. See Cooper v. Aaron, 358 U.S. 1 , 24 (1958) (Frankfurter, J. , concurring) (“Criticism need not be stilled. Active obstruction or defiance is barred.”). Court rulings can overstep, and they can further intrude upon the prerogatives of other branches. Courts thus speak with the knowledge of their imperfections but also with a sense that they instill a fidelity to law that would be sorely missed in their absence.

“Energy in the [E]xecutive” is much to be respected. FEDERALIST NO. 70, at 423 (1789) (Alexander Hamilton) (Clinton Rossiter ed., 1961). It can rescue government from its lassitude and recalibrate imbalances too long left unexamined. The knowledge that executive energy is a perishable quality understandably breeds impatience with the courts. Courts, in turn, are frequently attuned to caution and are often uneasy with the Executive Branch’s breakneck pace.

And the differences do not end there. The Executive is inherently focused upon ends; the Judiciary much more so upon means. Ends are bestowed on the Executive by electoral outcomes. Means are entrusted to all of government, but most especially to the Judiciary by the Constitution itself.

The Executive possesses enormous powers to prosecute and to deport, but with powers come restraints. If today the Executive claims the right to deport without due process and in disregard of court orders, what assurance will there be tomorrow that it will not deport American citizens and then disclaim responsibility to bring them home?12 And what assurance shall there be that the Executive will not train its broad discretionary powers upon its political enemies? The threat, even if not the actuality, would always be present, and the Executive’s obligation to “take Care that the Laws be faithfully executed” would lose its meaning. U.S. CONST. art. II, § 3; see also id. art. II, § 1, cl. 8.

Today, both the United States and the El Salvadoran governments disclaim any authority and/or responsibility to return Abrego Garcia. See President Trump Participates in a Bilateral Meeting with the President of El Salvador, WHITE HOUSE (Apr. 14, 2025). We are told that neither government has the power to act. The result will be to leave matters generally and Abrego Garcia specifically in an interminable limbo without recourse to law of any sort.

The basic differences between the branches mandate a serious effort at mutual respect. The respect that courts must accord the Executive must be reciprocated by the Executive’s respect for the courts. Too often today this has not been the case, as calls for impeachment of judges for decisions the Executive disfavors and exhortations to disregard court orders sadly illustrate.

It is in this atmosphere that we are reminded of President Eisenhower’s sage example. Putting his “personal opinions” aside, President Eisenhower honored his “inescapable” duty to enforce the Supreme Court’s decision in Brown v. Board of Education II to desegregate schools “with all deliberate speed.” Address by the President of the United States, Delivered from his Office at the White House 1-2 (Sept. 24, 1957); 349 U.S. 294, 301 (1955). This great man expressed his unflagging belief that “[t]he very basis of our individual rights and freedoms is the certainty that the President and the Executive Branch of Government will support and [e]nsure the carrying out of the decisions of the Federal Courts.” Id. at 3. Indeed, in our late Executive’s own words, “[u]nless the President did so, anarchy would result.” Id.

Now the branches come too close to grinding irrevocably against one another in a conflict that promises to diminish both. This is a losing proposition all around. The Judiciary will lose much from the constant intimations of its illegitimacy, to which by dent of custom and detachment we can only sparingly reply. The Executive will lose much from a public perception of its lawlessness and all of its attendant contagions. The Executive may succeed for a time in weakening the courts, but over time history will script the tragic gap between what was and all that might have been, and law in time will sign its epitaph.

What Has To Happen?

If our Constitutional system is to stand, the Trump Administration must comply with the Court. Not just in this case, but in all cases. This is a longhaul issue of which American citizens must be aware.

What You & I Can Do

1. Pray

2. Give to the organizations representing the voiceless in these issues. You may be across the political aisle from these organizations. Now is the time to put those differences aside. We can argue about abortion, gay marriage, etc. on the other side of this crisis. Frankly, your difference of political opinion will not matter if our system collapses.

3. Encourage those who are standing up for human decency, legal precedent, and Constitutional order. Write the senators, judges, journalists, and advocates who are holding the line. Republican Senator Lisa Murkowski (Alaska) has admitted that dissenting in the present enviroment is a fearful thing. Help encourage their hearts.13

4. Urge your Congressional representatives to stand up to this Administration if they are not presently.

5. Speak truth. Call issues and actions by true name. Stay up to date with the news. Learn to recognize propoganda and disregard it. Live not by lies.14

6. Get involved politically on the local level. Uphold the rule of law in your local setting.

7. Recognize that your neighbors are being specifically targeted by this administration without regard to legitimacy and the stress that produces. If able, provide special care.

8. Make a conscious effort to see the Imago Dei in every human and love your neighbor as yourself. This is exactly what this Administration refuses to do.

9. Read On Tyranny by Timothy Snyder.

10. Remember this is part of the treck to the Celestial City. Let the Holy Spirit and the saints of old guide you on an unfamiliar stretch of the Pilgram’s way. Learn how to pause and listen to the Shepherd’s voice.

Liturgy for Those Fighting Darkness

Oh Lord, 
You are light. 
Only in your light 
do we see light.

Some of your children
are called to face darkness vocationally.
Protect us, Oh you who reigns valiantly.  

Hide us in the shadow of your wings. 
As chicks safe in the nest when mother is near,
so with your wings sheild from the dark drear. 

Grant courage to the faint of heart.
As new recruits, weak and green, 
shape us for bold service, Christ our Captain. 

Give shrewdness for each situation. 
Like a serpent, silent but shrewd,
train our sight from your point of view. 

Shape innocence within and without. 
Like a dove, simple and holy, 
remove us from the evil wholly. 

Remind us of our homeland. 
So near but so far,
anchor us as the citizens of New Jerusalem that we are. 

Oh Lord, 
You are light. 
Only in your light 
do we see light.

Today, a particular article caught my eye - “Before You Cut Off Your Parents: 3 Principles to Consider.”1 The author, Beth Claes, is a biblical counselor with a prior career in Psychology. I don’t know Beth, or her work, but I suspect if we sat down with a cup of coffee we would be friends. The following thoughts are no way meant to target her, or disregard her perspective or expertise. Rather, this article is intended to be a good faith effort at adding some nuance to the topic.

I would also like to ackowledge that she is working on the West Coast, which may bring some distinct cultural challenges. I write exclusively from the perspective of a Southerner who has always lived and ministered on the East Coast. Families tend to be honor/shame based with children expected from birth to meet unrealistic expectations. The Gospel is the same everywhere, but its application can be significantly altered to meet the needs of a particular culture. It’s quiet possible that the message in the South needs to be - “It’s okay to seperate yourself from your parents, God made you to be an individual,” while the message out West may need to be, “You should really try to stay connected to your parents because God made you to live in community.” One culture (or person) may need to hear of freedom, another duty. If any readers are from out West and can contribute to this conversation, feel free to chime in!

Beth frames her article around three main biblical principles: Honor your father and mother, forgive as you have been forgiven, and bear with others in love. The problem with biblical principles is that the exhaustive list often competes. To reduce a topic like this to three principles is to grossly oversimplify. Scripture recognizes that the world is complicated. Hebrew wisdom literature is famous for contradictory advice. Why? Because each situation is unique and may call for the opposite response. A classic example is Proverbs 26: 4-5.

Don’t answer the foolish arguments of fools,
or you will become as foolish as they are.

Be sure to answer the foolish arguments of fools,
or they will become wise in their own estimation.

Proverbs 26: 4-5 (NLT)

Do you see how Scripture gives contradictory advice here? Encountering the foolish arguement of fools demands more than one Biblical principle. It takes wisdom to match the right principle to the right circumstance. So how does this impact how we receive Beth’s advice?

Honor Your Father & Mother

Beth is exactly right - Christians are called to honor their parents (Ex. 20:12; Eph. 6:2). But Christians are also called to forsee danger and take precautions (Prov. 22:3). Unfortunately, many grown children find themselves in situations where fleeing their parents is the godliest response. Parents are not exempt from other Biblical categories just because they are parents. Parents can be righteous, godly, and holy. Parents can also be wicked, foolish, and preverse. Jesus makes very clear in the Gospels - sometimes following him means giving up your parents. When your parents pressure you to compromise righteousness to protect their sinful habits, your only option is to follow Christ. This may mean estrangment from your parents.

This leads us to another point - estrangment from parents is not mutually exclusive with honoring them. Otherwise Jesus would not have commanded it. There are a multitude of ways to honor estranged parents. Here are a few that come to mind:

• Speak honestly of the things they did well;

• Keep the names they bestowed upon you;

• Pray for their repentance;

• Grieve their absence;

• When possible, refrain from airing family laundry in the local community to preserve their reputations and relationships. There are times to make your grievances open, especially when the safety of others rides on it. But sometimes it is possible to not share and in the process friendships are maintained. If you are estranged from your parents, their relationships with good friends will become even more important;

• Grow in godliness and follow Jesus. Any positive character traits you posses reflects highly on your parents. As one pastor put it, “Sometimes the best way to honor your parents is to be the person they never could be. Your character is a testament to their parenting.”

Beth does rightly caveat that abusive situations “require boundaries and wisdom to safeguard against further harm.” However, she never defines boundaries or abuse. Equally problematic, one of the hallmarks of abuse, coercive control, she lumps into the “stay” category.2 But a controlling parent is one who tends to punish for lack of compliance. No amount of respect and care from a child changes that. In fact, often it only further enables the controlling behavior. “No,” is not acceptable to the controlling parent.

I am also concerned that her concept of abuse may forsake the concept of neglect. Previously, when I worked in foster care, I found that neglect is simply “passive abuse” and was often equally (if not more) damaging than outright physical abuse. Many of the wounds adult children carry come from various forms of neglect that do not bear the standard characteristics of abuse. Neglect is detrimental none-the-less.

Forgive As You Have Been Forgiven

The most amazing part of the Gospel is forgiveness. Our relationship with God is restored through Jesus Christ. But this restoration is acheived only after repentance (see Luke 24:46-48). This is also true in human relationships. Whenever Jesus discusses forgiveness in the book of Luke, it is always in the context of the other party recognizing their debt and asking for forgiveness.

“If another believer sins, rebuke that person; then if there is repentance, forgive. ⁴ Even if that person wrongs you seven times a day and each time turns again and asks forgiveness, you must forgive.” - Luke 17:3-4 (NLT)

What is the wounded child’s responsibility? To rebuke.3

What is the wounding parent’s responsibility? To repent.

Only then does forgiveness enter the picture. But a rebuke only leads to repentance when there is a humble heart, eager to approach relationships with the heart of Christ.

Repentance means your parent is actively seeking to put to death the old, harmful, patterns of behavior. It doesn’t mean that they suceed every time. It does mean they are trying.

Beth here seeks to propose that maintaining contact can be the instrument that brings a parent to a place of repentance. Personally, this felt like spiritual manipulation. It places the onerous responsibility of a parent’s potential repentance on the wounded child. Now the child is forced to ask the question, “If I cut contact, do I ruin my parent’s chances of repentance?”

Beth concludes this section by saying, “When we genuinely pursue a process of forgiveness, we’ll rarely arrive at the decision to cut off the relationship. Biblical love compels relational wisdom; the relationship may look different, but forgiveness will most often make space for continued connection.”

Honestly, I don’t even know what to say to this. This statement is over-generalized and frankly untrue. There are some levels of sin, hurt, and brokeness that necessarily leave a relationship severed even after the debt is forgiven, especially when issues such as addiction or abuse are ongoing. Furthermore, in some cases, a child pursues the process of forgiveness, only to be shut down by the parent. What is a grown child supposed to do when the parent flips the narrative of blame? Instead of ackowledging the fault, the parent insists that everything is the child’s fault. There is no mutual relationship at this point, and that was never the child’s choice or hope.

Stay away from fools, for you won’t find knowledge on their lips.

Prov. 14:7 (NLT)

Bearing With One Another In Love

Paul gives this commandment to the New Testament Church twice (Eph. 4:2 ; Col. 3:12). Bearing with the sins and weaknesses of other people is part of everyday life. But there are still times we see relationships severed by God’s command. One famous example is when there was gross and flagernt sexual sin (1 Cor. 5:5). But one less often remembered is God’s threat to husbands who mistreat their wives - “Treat her as you should so that your prayers aren’t hindered.” God stops listening the prayers of those who mistreat their wives. How much more does God care about the grown child who is being mistreated by his/her parents? Sometimes, love is allowing consequences to play out.

If I were talking to someone who was wrestling with whether to cut off their parents, I would want to know whether cutting people out was a common theme in their life. If this person has healthy and stable relationships in other areas of life, bearing with the sins and weaknesses of others, then I’m going to be very hesitant in writing this off as a selfish decision informed by cultural trends. The opposite is also true - if the person burns through relationships quickly and indescriminately, I’m going to listen with a grain of salt. But I’m still going to listen - estrangment may in fact be the best option. Ultimately, it’s not my choice and I cannot force another person to adopt the choices I would make.

Final Thoughts

In tort law there is a helpful concept - “Sometimes people are doing the best they can….but their best still isn’t enough.” If a person’s best is below the standard of reasonable care, liability remains. I’ve found this concept helpful in parental relationships too. I can realize with gratefulness that my parents did the best they could. But I can also ackowledge sometimes that best wasn’t enough. The question is, can the parent admit that their best wasn’t enough and take the active steps needed to change?

Another concept important to this conversation is the ability to distinguish between “garden variety sin,” “wickedness,” and “evil.” These are very different categories and demand very different responses.4

The thing that annoyed me most about this article was that it put the entire burden on the child. I’ve seen several articles coming over the airwaves that discuss this trend, each article placing the burden (or in some cases blame) on the child. But I have yet to see an article directing responsiblity towards parents.

I have been blessed to watch many of the Christian parents I know ackowledge their shortcomings and apologize to their children. One man I was talking to over lunch told me that he has apologized to his grown children from raising them in a fundamentalist church enviroment. His relationship with them was already built on mutual trust and love, and his apology only furthered his credibility with them.

Another aspect I’ve noticed is missing from this conversation is the grief that comes from estrangment. Can estrangment bring great freedom? Yes. But it truly is a form of death and the grief is deep and complicated. It is certainly no easy button. I once heard a wise pastor’s wife say, “Sometimes you have to amputate a limb to stop an infection. You may walk with a limp this side of heaven but at least you are alive.” If someone has made the choice to walk with a limp of this nature, perhaps approach with compassion and curiosity before condemnation. You might find the infection was far worse than you could imagine from the outside.

Finally, I ackowledge that sometimes children make drastic moves, like estrangment, that are disproportional to the harm inflicted. I’ve seen this happen. It is unfortunate and unjust. But so is oversimpling Scripture and slapping “Biblical principles” on a broad class of people without taking individual nuance into account. Doing so only heaps guilt and responsibilty on the already wounded party.

Are you wrestling with your relationship with your parents? Know that the God of the universe is big enough and wise enough to hold the tensions of your individual circumstances. His goal for you is life abundant. In some situations life abundant may mean maintaining difficult relationships in some form. I have seen several friends do this with incredible strength to maintain boundaries and grace to maintain contact. In others, life abundant may mean severing ties that were never meant to be severed. I have also seen this play out with incredible grace, humility, and true freedom. Estrangment was God’s form of rescue.

Whatever your path, He will lead you on the one in which you should walk. Seek Him and let the whole counsel of Scripture guide you, not just a handful of cherry-picked Biblical principles. Scripture is a true guide, but the key to the map lies in hermenutics.

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Encountering evil everyday is heavy. I cry a lot. Child abuse, murder, extreme indifference to human life, sexual assualt, hate crimes, institutional cover ups within faith communities…the level of exposure is enough to sicken you. I’ve tried running away (if you’ve read the book of Jonah I’ll give you one guess on how that went…). There is no getting out of it when God has called you to it.

Tonight I called my Uncle, a career police officer. “How did you stare evil in the face every single day and not walk away screwed up yourself?” He had three peices of advice:

1. Don’t take it personally when criminals walk because of a breakdown in the system;

2. Know that some cases will haunt you. All you can do is pick yourself up and keep going;

3. Remember there is a higher judge.

This last piece of advice was especially grounding. As Diane Langburg writes

God often has to remind me that He and He alone is the source of my inspiration, my courage. That which inspires me is behind me, under me, not in front of me. I am not to be dragged around by the needs of others. I am rather to be responding out of the deep well of God’s love and in obedience to Him…The needs of this world are far beyond my capacity to meet. I do not take my orders from the needs I see, but from my Lord.1

Is God calling me to be a source of his justice and healing in a broken world? Maybe - on a small level. But the further down this path I travel, the more I find that I am the one being transformed.

Encountering evil makes me so dependent on Christ for strength.

Encountering evil drives me to cling to the reality of the Gospel more tightly.

Encountering evil forces me to reckon with the evil and fraility lurking in my own heart.

The community I grew up in tried to enforce holiness by sheltering us from the world. I understand the instinct - some days all I want to do is run back to the blessed bubble.

I also loved my seminary education and was blessed to have received it. But I’m concerned that the present state of our seminary educations are frankly too sanitized. Evil in the present setting is a theological concept to be debated by Theo-bros. Are you superlapsarian or prelapsarian? Frankly, none of this matters when you hit the streets of pastoral ministry. It’s hard to properly diagnose a pastoral problem staring you in the face when all your categories of sin and evil are theoretorical. No wonder our churches grossly mishandle domestic abuse and sexual abuse cases - we’ve never actually stared evil in the face enough to identify its shifting shapes. Maybe we should have spent less time in the library and more time in the prisons, hospitals, domestic violence shelters, and counseling offices during our Seminary years.

[I would like to interupt your regularly scheduled programing to advocate for “mandatory real world experience minimums” for seminary admissions requirements. If you were homeschooled, went to Christian college, and worked in a college ministry for 2 years before you applied for Seminary…maybe you should try again when you have five years of experience outside a Christian bubble…Now back to your regular programming.]2

I’m finding in Law School that God seeks to develop a new type of holiness within me - the kind forged in fire. The type drawn from the Spirit’s power, not shere willpower. The type that remains unstained when it comes in contact with what is evil. I wish this type of holiness was instantaneous. But it is not - it is gradual and incomplete this side of heaven. Staring evil in the face forces me to reckon with the evil without and within. But the gain of this type of holiness is so much richer and sweeter…

Preserve me, O God, for in you I take refuge.
I say to the LORD, “You are my Lord;
I have no good apart from you.”

The LORD is my chosen portion and my cup;
you hold my lot.

Ps. 16:1; 5

Do you find the staggering weight of evil to be overwhelming in your vocation? How do you press on, day by day? How does the Lord encourage you, practically or spiritually?

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As one sits in their Gospels seminar, one takes note of Jesus’s promise that those who follow him will be kicked out of synagogues for his name sake. But surely, that was in the first-century, not now. One notices Christ’s promise that his followers will be persecuted for his name’s sake. But that is imagined in the context of an invading hostile enemy who demands your conformity to false religion or death.

Suddenly, one day you wake up to find that the brothers and sisters you have worshipped with for decades no longer speak to you. That those who claimed to be family chose to protect their own reputations over your safety. That church leadership would rather place children at risk than admit they were wrong about a volunteer. That your presbytery would rather protect male power than to respect the good deeds and gifts of your godly wife. The home your church once provided is gone.

All of this pain and betrayal would go away if you just backed down. Stop calling out the evil and hypocricy. Simply go along to keep the peace. But for those whose hearts are set on following Christ, this is not an option.

Here, and only here, do you realize that Christ’s promises of suffering for following him are yours. That the Gospels were written for YOU.

• “I have told you these things so that you won’t abandon your faith. For you will be expelled from the synagogues, and the time is coming when those who kill you will think they are doing a holy service for God. This is because they have never known the Father or me.” John 16:1-3

• ^“But Jesus replied, “Foxes have dens to live in, and birds have nests, but the Son of Man has no place even to lay his head.” Matt. 8:20

• “God blesses those who are persecuted for doing right, for the Kingdom of Heaven is theirs. God blesses you when people mock you and persecute you and lie about you and say all sorts of evil things against you because you are my followers. Be happy about it! Be very glad! For a great reward awaits you in heaven. And remember, the ancient prophets were persecuted in the same way.” Matt. 5:10-12

• “Then Jesus said to his disciples, “If any of you wants to be my follower, you must give up your own way, take up your cross, and follow me. If you try to hang on to your life, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for my sake, you will save it.” Matt. 15:24-25

For the early Jews who chose to follow Chirst, part of their Jewishness was lost. No longer were they welcome in the synagogue, the marketplace, or the family table. Christ alone became their identity. You too may be called to lose the heritage your family has passed down for generations - Catholic. Southern Baptist. Presbyterian. This is grievous and lament is proper.

It is not an enemy who taunts me—I could bear that. It is not my foes who so arrogantly insult me—I could have hidden from them. Instead, it is you—my equal,
my companion and close friend. What good fellowship we once enjoyed as we walked together to the house of God.

Ps. 55:12-14

But “though friends should all fail, and foes all unite,”1 know that this is a normal part of the Christian walk. You are not a freak. No, Jesus promised this. The Gospels were written for you.

Some believers will be spared this crisis. Others will face it in Seminary. Yet others still will face it decades into ministry. The loss of your denomination is a high price to pay - your qualifications may now be meaningless. Your job prospects may now be gone. Your network may have evaporated. But your integrity is still in tact. You are like a tree planted by streams of water, yeilding fruit in season. The hill of the Lord beckons you to ascend.

“Be happy about it! Be very glad! For a great reward awaits you in heaven.” Matt. 5:12

“And everyone who has given up houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or children or property, for my sake, will receive a hundred times as much in return and will inherit eternal life.” Matt. 19:29

Recently, as I was reading Katzenbach v. Morgan (U.S. Supreme Court, 1966), I was struck by a single sentence. “This enhanced political power will be helpful in gaining nondiscriminatory treatment in public services for the entire Puerto Rican community.”

Katzenbach is a question about § 4 (e) of the Voting Rights Act of 1965 which stated that the right to vote could not be denied to Puerto Ricans1 for lack of ability to read or write English if the individual had completed a 6th grade education by an accredited Puerto Rican school. Many Puerto Ricans immigrated to New York City where they were denied the right to vote under a New York law requiring English literacy. Katzenbach asks the question - is § 4 (e) a proper exercise of Congressional Powers undere the 14th Amendment’s § 5. Spoiler alert: The majority ruled that yes, this was a proper exercise, and that the Supremecy Clause makes the NY law un-enforeable to the extent that it is inconsistent with Federal law.

Justice Brennan wrote the majority opinion and spends significant space discussing the downstream effects of denying voting access.

“More specifically, § 4 (e) may be viewed as a measure to secure for the Puerto Rican community residing in New York nondiscriminatory treatment by the government - both in the imposition of voting qualifications and the provision or administration of governmental services, such as public schools, public housing and law enforcement.”

The U.S. Supreme court has long emphasized the main tool of legislative accountability - that voters can decide whether or not to keep their elected officials. Elected officials determine policy, priorities, and practice [as we are currently seeing in full force…]. If Puerto Ricans are denied the right to vote as U.S. Citizens who happen to come from a region of the U.S. that speaks a different language, they are denied representation which only furthers discriminatory practices without accountability.

Stop and think about the cause and effect for a minute with this hypothetical. If you as an Spanish speaker are denied the right to vote, you are denied the power to help chose an elected official. As human nature dictates, elected officials are not usually accountable to those who have no power to kick them out of office. Without the vote of an entire demographic as a check, anti-Puerto-Rican bias can be seen in something as simple as an elected official who then has the power to appoint the State Director of the Department of Social Services. The State Director sets policy goals for the statewide agency. Now, child welfare laws are weaponized disproportionatly against Puerto-Rican families which likely inflicts or enforces poverty and family breakdown. This only further inhibits the ability to learn English due to time and money restrictions, which further restricts the ability to vote in the future.2 And the cycle repeats. All because you are not literate in the “right” language. Nevermind the fact that you are equally informed to the English speaker because you can read Spanish newspapers and understand Spanish TV programming.

How does this relate to church polity? Is it surprising that in denominations that restrict women from the polity that abuse runs rampant? That women are regularly ignored and silenced when they step forward with concerns? That women’s ministry directors are fired for advocating for the women in their care? Frankly no. This is something that Justice Brennan seemed to understand in 1966 that many Christians today cannot wrap their heads around. When women are intentionally exlcuded from the political system of their denomination, they cannot expect equal protection. Quite literally, unless a man chooses to listen and pick up a woman’s concern with the various levels of male leadership structures3 women have no voice. Not only are the policies and practices best for women ignored, policies and practices that harm women (and often children) are enacted, whether intentionally or accidently through lack of perspective. All because they are not the “right” gender. Nevermind the fact that women and men are equally capable and equipped by God for leadership, administration, and shepherding.

The lawyers for New York argued legitimate policy goals for the literacy requirement - it would provide an incentive for non-English speakers to learn English and it would assure the “intelligent exercise of the franchise.” But just because one has a justifying narrative for their law doesn’t make the narrative true [or effective]. Pretty, legal, words can cover a multitude of discriminatory practices. The same is true of Scripture. If your interpretation of Scripture regarding Church polity clashes with reality and perpetuates consistent harm, maybe it’s time to re-evaluate your interpretation? Scripture is infallible….your interpretation is not.